JDouche Takes a Wife

Late night phone calls freak me out.  I think this is one of the reasons I've never been a drunk dialer.  If you ever receive a phone call late at night from me you can guess something is pretty wrong.  When I get a late night phone call it shoots me out of bed and I answer it without much of an afterthought, just as I did last night. This call wasn't about bailing a friend out of jail or a car wreck. It was about a train wreck I was in last year.  A train wreck of a relationship. 

Back a year ago I was seriously involved with a guy we now refer to as "JDouche" partly for how close that is to his real name and how closely that resembles his real personality.  We met on a night while he was playing the guitar in one of the very successful bands that he would inevitable get kicked out of for being an undercover asshole.  Always be wary of a guy who has very little friends.  When you meet the few he has they tell you when he's in the bathroom that they don't really like him, just tolerate him.  Their only stories are about times they have wanted to kill him and they tell those when he's back at the table.

JDouche was a piece of work.  He was quiet, good looking, had an ego the size of the former Roman Empire and a penchant for cheating.  Later I would find out the cheating ended his first marriage and sent her to a place involving "funny" and "farms" but without comedians or cattle.  JDouche was such a good cheat because he had so much practice.  It was impossible for him to not cheat on anyone he had ever been with, traceable all the way back to high school.  So last year on Valentines Day when I found out he was sleeping with the bleach blonde ballet teacher with the largest fake boobs on the planet I shouldn't have been surprised. But surprised I was.  I didn't know about his cheating past.  I didn't know that he was with her every night I was out of town for business or just took a night to myself to relax.  I didn't know until later that he was obsessed about not being left alone, even for a day. 

I believe no relationship will ever be healthy without trust.  I always give enough rope for a man to hang himself with and JDouche was very well hung in the end.  Over the course of the next year I would meet a myraid of women he had been with, some while he was married, some while he was single, some when he was with me.  One of his side girls on me is actually a pretty good friend now, although she had no idea he even had a girl friend. He's a good liar.  I like her.  He hurt her too and for that I resent him.

When I pick up the emergency train wreck phone last night I find out that he is getting married again.  She proposed. The same bleache blonde idiot that I caught him with and he's denied to everyone being with for a year. But the phone call also came with the "before any final decisions are made we should get together, talk, make sure that we aren't making a mistake letting that great relationship go" pretext.

I realized I haven't been angry with him in a very long time.  I haven't missed him.  I stopped letting the hurt of what he did control my attitude toward other men and trust again.  I realized I never loved him but just an idea of him. In fact, all I could conjure up for the sociopath was laughter. Hard, loud, raucous laughter.  There was crying alright, but everybody knows I cry when I laugh and here they were, a year later, the fleetly flowing tears of a woman happy to have ducked at just the right time and dodged that bullet.

And the phone went...click.