Honestly?

It's National Honesty Day. In the spirit of that I have a few things I would like to clear up.

1) You are hotter than I have led you to believe.  You are actually disturbingly hot. You are almost so hot you are hard to look at.

2) You thought your dog broke it and I didn't bother to tell you differently.

3) I did make out with your best friend but I had the courtesy to wait 30 minutes after breaking up with you to do it.

4) You own a pair of pants that are so hideous everyone talks about them when you are not around.  When you asked me if I liked them I said they were "fine". No, no they are not. They look like an explosion at a mattress factory.

5) Yes, we never went out again because you didn't pick up the check and you invited me out. Way to go cheapskate.

6) I wasn't too busy to go out. I was too busy to go out with you.

7) Everytime I wore my ex's shirt it was not for sentimental reasons. It was 100% to irritate you because you still wore that stupid tie your ex-girlfriend gave you.

8) Your new haircut looked like you stuck your head in a wood chipper.

9) I didn't tell your wife about seeing you out with that other chick. I anonomously wrote her about it like a descent respectable lady.

10) You are a really, really, REALLY bad kisser.   I'm worried about the quantity of makeup products you have consumed over the years since you apparently like to clean a person's entire face.

11) I only watched Gray's Anatomy, WWE, and The Notebook because it made you happy. Gray's Anatomy sucks donkey balls.

12) When you got dumped I totally thought you deserved it. I also high fived your ex at the bar the same night and gave him my phone number when he asked for it.

13) What has happened to your football team makes me very very happy. Football Karma is a bitch. So am I.

14) You have terrible taste in music. I am starting to believe you actually can't hear sounds like normal people. Whenever you say you have found a great new band I instantly know I'm about to hear what it would sound like if you put a frog in the blender and turned it on high.

15) I'm smarter than you.

16) You are better looking than me.

17) 15 trumps 16 because 16 gets boring and 15 does not. And that is why your boyfriend broke up
with you.

18) The sex dream was not about you. It was about Jason Batemen. I nearly told the truth on that one because it was almost too late to have a cover story for whatever noise you caught me making while I was asleep.

19) I wanted to break-up with you but your seats to the playoffs were just way too good.

20) You are really bad at buying gifts for me. But I thank you anyway because you try so hard that it's the thought really does count.

So that covers it. Slates clean. All identities have been witheld to protect me. Cause it's all about me.

And by the way...those pants really do make your butt look big.

The Greatest Craigslist Ad EVER

Is this the greatest Craigslist ad ever? Yes. Yes It Is. 

 

I Still Lack a Serious Approach to 8th Grade Drama

 

My mom brought over boxes of my stuff that I saved from my childhood and college years. I think this progress report from one of my teachers showed exactly what my adult life was going to be like. 

I Am Capable of Commitment. Just ask the Cubs.

A quick shot with my camera standing outside of
Wrigley in 2007 10 min. after we clinched it.

Any person who has spent more than 20 minutes around me will find out I'm a lifelong Chicago Cubs fan. There are a lot of us ex-pats wandering around this nation now. We see each other in airports, bars in Austin, Texas and tiny Southern California beach towns. There's one thing that bands us all together: this is gonna be our year.

We fly across the country to see friends we grew up with to catch a game. We start aruguments or defuse uncomfortable topics by referencing "How Bout Them Cubs?" Some of us may have elected to get divorced on a particularly frustrating day at Wrigley Field when they realized they had nothing in common with their partner (sheepish look).

Lately there have been some pretty amazing media pieces that signify what it's like to love the Cubs. For a girl with commitment issues I have always managed to stand by the Cubs for better or the end of the NLCS, for richer or the Tribune years, on the Injured Reserve and at the Hall of Fame. It's never been an easy relationship and 2003 sent me straight into couselling, but I'm willing to put in the work because 'Someday We'll Go All the Way..."

So here's my favorites in Cubs related media right now. The old standby ones and the new big crushes. 

Cubs Win: So Real, It's Unreal

When I first saw this commercial for the Sony Playstation game "MLB 12: The Show" I didn't know what it was for. By the end I was in tears. When the screenwriter from A League of Their Own said "There's no crying in baseball" this person was clearly not a Cub fan. Certainly not one that lived through 2003 and 1984. Certainly not one whose father, grandfather and great-grandfather passed without ever seeing a Cub World Series victory.

If we ever do win I expect the city to look just like this. Right before the south side sets themselves on fire. Again.

And speaking of the Northside vs. the Southside that brings us to...

Chicago vs. Chicago

As my friend Matt said when he posted this on my Facebook wall "This video contains so many of your favorite things your head might explode".  It has everything. Seriously? The Cubs, mustaches, beer, dark dive bars, baseball arguments with White Sox fans, and a fight over pizza WITH Ron Swanson!?!


And when Ron Ulysses Swanson (ahem, I mean Nick Offerman) informs the Sox fan that "Even our handsome well-coiffed Governor won't sell a seat to the White Sox" my love of him is forever sealed. 

Chicago Cubs: The Heart and Soul of Chicago Trailer

The premise behind this film is the love of the Cubs reflects the city and the people as a whole. I couldn't agree more.
"It seems like in Chicago, no matter what, they always have your back...whether you have won 10 in a row or lost 10 in a row...it goes beyond the city into the texture of family life."

Eddie Vedder "Someday We'll Go All The Way"

Eddie Vedder wrote this song about our beloved Cubs. I think he sums it up well:

...and when the day comes with that last winning run
And I'm crying and covered in beer
I'll look to the sky and know I was right
To think someday we'll go all the way

Believe

It's self-evident.

Go Cubs Go!!!