I recently accepted a friend request from one of those "Monday Morning Motivators". MMM's are people that regurgitate cliche advice, always before 10am, to movtivate you. In reality it's probably an attempt to motivate themselves and you are just stuck there as an unwilling accomplice.
While I respect the fact that you want to "Dance like no one is watching" I don't recommend spreading that advice to the Facebook world. I can 95% guarantee that if you walk into your place of business on Monday before 10am and start dancing with abandon it will not be a career enhancing move. The only exception to this rule is if you work at an Interpretive Dance Studio, and even they have rules. If it takes your Facebook post to get me to "Seize the Day" I probably have a job so uncomplicated it will soon be done by robots or a college intern.
So Facebook, let's steal something from Twitter and Google+. There we are able to sort the people we are following into Lists. Practical lists that say "I do want to hear you, just not all of the time" <---Also a good tag line for love relationships on a Monday morning.
Proposed Initial Categories:
1) Monday Morning Motivators who are out there ensuring that today is going to be the best day since the concept of days were invented.
2) Friends from High School who you accepted to find out what they were doing, only to remember you didn't really like them very much.
3) Friends from High School that you didn't like at all back then but for some reason could totally hang around now which makes you both happy and feel very weird about who you have become.
4) People who are so sexually attractive you would show up if they invited you to a dramatic reading of a pamphlet on Fire Safety.
5) People who are so sexually attracted to you they will show up if you host a pamphlet reading.
6) People you dated who now try to use passive agressive tactics via Facebook to make you jealous you left them. You haven't defriended them because that would be admitting it's actually working and you can't handle any more.
7) People you dated that you like to use passive aggressive tactics via Facebook to make them jealous.
8) People who post super cute animal pics. {Note: This category is AWESOME}
9) People who post things that are actually funny. {Note: This category needs more people}
10) People who post everything they do professionally, confusing a personal page with a Fan Page or their work account. It's so much fun going to work with someone ALL DAY LONG.
11) People who use Facebook as their religious pulpit even when they are not ordained in any organized religion (or even some disorganized ones) outside of the Church of Aberrant Spellers.
12) People who are opposed to almost everything you stand for politically and can be hidden completely during election year.
13) People who agree with you on almost everything you stand for polically and should also be hidden during election year since you will spend all your time defending their honor against the idiots who post on their pages.
14) People you don't actually know In Real Life but wish you did.
15) People you do actually know In Real Life and wish you didn't.
16) People who invite you to every single thing they do via Facebook invite so that your Inbox looks like an event planner had too much Champagne at the pre-party and threw up in there.
17) Last minute dates when people in Category 5 are not available and people from Category 6 will be at the event that people from Category 16 invited you to and announced you are attending.
18) Bipolar Posters who from post to post either love or hate something/someone with so much fervor that you have to check their account every day to know what you can say when you see them in real life.
19) People that are clearly insane and you must keep them on your Facebook to ensure that you will never EVER be in the same place at the same time.
20) People who Check In at places you would never want to go join them, like their bathroom.
21) People who Check you into places without your permission and then have to apologize all night when that creepy guy you have blocked from your personal posts shows up for Happy Hour.
22) People who have children that are so amazing they must be made out of a Super Space Aged Polymer and they aren't even made of little bits of real children at all.
23) And the most important category...
People who are so important to you in your life that if they do any of the aforementioned 22 things it doesn't matter because you love them so much you would read anything they post. Even posts that make you sick to your stomach, give you a headache, make you cry, make you laugh, or make you shake your head and contemplate day drinking.
For the record, I fall squarely into a few of these as well. But you already know this, don't you?
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