Lulu and the #Hashtag of My Exes Fury

In news disturbing for healthy red blooded American males today, some chick invented an app called "Lulu" to rate them as harshly as the East German judge used to go after early 80's US Gymnasts. Lulu's purpose is essentially to be a Trip Advisor for Tramps, or as it says "Facebook Meets Sex In the City". It finds every male in your Facebook friend list first and pulls their profile pictures. Women answer some questions about the guys they have hooked up with or dated, and then lets them rate his physical and sexual skills. Then it generates a bunch of hashtags about their positive and negative qualities.

I'm really glad men don't have a equivalent of Lulu right now. I can already hear my exes hashtagging away about all those qualities they found less than endearing, or downright infuriating. Susan, Lulu'd, I fear would look something like this:

#CommittmentIssues
#ForgetsToCallTextOrMessageYouBack
#HasDisturbinglyFrequentSexualThoughtsAboutBothBurtReynoldsAndTomSelleckInHerSleep
#DrinksTooMuchScotchAndRefusesToShareTheGoodStuff
#SoGoodAtSwearingSheUsesTheWordFuckAsAnAdverb
#RefusesToRecognizeBasketballAsALegitmateProfessionalSport
#BuysSwedishModularFurnitureAndWhenIFailToPutItTogetherRightSighsLoudlyAsIfImNotARealMan
#NotAttentiveEnoughToMyEmotionalNeedsBecauseSheBelievesIMayHaveNone
#TooAttentiveToMyEmotionalNeedsWhenILeastWantIt
#OwnsTwoVerySarcasticCats
#TalksAboutFootballAdNauseum
#HangsOutWithWAYTooManyDudes
#PerfectlyComfortableGoingToBedAngry
#ShesOccasionallyFunny
#ShesOccasionallyFunnyInTheHead
#ObsessedWiththeChicagoBearsAndWillAttemptToConvertYouWithNoIntentionOfReciprocalFandom
#ImpliedThatItWasYourFaultThatThereWasNoHotWaterLeftWhenYouWerentEvenInTheState
#HatesPantsToALevelThatVergesOnAbsurdity
#UsuallyWantsToGetYouOutOfYourPantsAtTheLeastAdventageousTimes
#StillObsessivelyMakesMixTapesForEveryMonthOfTheYear
#BelievesPrinceIsSuperiorToMichaelJacksonAndWillWalkAwayFromAnyPersonWithACounterarguement
#PlaysBornToRunOnThePianoEverytimeSheIsMadAtYouVeryLoudlySoSheCantHearYourArgument
#Owns50BlackMiniSkirtsThatAllLookEXACTLYTheSameAndThenFreaksWhenSheCantFindTheOneSheWants
#PlaysVideoGamesOftenAndRemainsAsSkilledAsA4thGrader
#OnceHashtagedtheWordHashtag

#Hashtag